COMA

COMA

Five, no six years ago, I was rescued.
There was not much life left in me, and they needed to do emergency repair. But first they needed to make sure I was as comfortable as possible, so they induced coma.

In between the nightmares that haunt my every night, sometimes I am having the strangest dreams, in which there are sounds that are not very coherent, but soothing.

Sometimes small fragments of conversations moving from my left to my right, in which my name is mentioned but of which I can't understand anything. People with concern in their voice; authoritatve; loving; caring. Voiced in several languages. Or maybe in one language, but I am not able to understand any language except my own incoherent thoughts.

Sometimes small rays of light whirl in front of my eyes and sihouettes moving through them, in silence. A smile around a mouth. And then the heartbreaking sobbing of my little one, whose voice I wil recognise among myriad other voices.

Sometimes I felt things. One time I felt my little one taking my hand and put it on his head while he crept next to me on the bed. I KNOW, I REMEMBER, and I felt tears in my eyes. This did happen, because months later I had the chance to ask about this very vivid picture in my mind, and it was confirmed by nurses and doctors.

Soft beep beeps. Comforting sound in a strange environment where I seem to float. And a wish to open my mouth and produce sound, but nothing happens. A painful feeling in my throat where something is inserted that prevents me from speaking.

It is all this I have been trying to condense into this small poem:
My COMA poem. Click me please.

It is not meant to be a negative poem or blog post. On the contrary really. To me personally it means that despite the coma, I was able to feel, see and hear, in a dreamlike fashion. And all that while they managed to keep the pain away from me. If anything, this is something I am truly grateful for.