HOLIDAYS, part 1
Soon December will wash over us, with all its warmth and sense of belonging and community. That is a good thing.
For me it is ambiguous, ambivalent. Until I was 15, I had never had a celebration of anything. No birthdays, no Christmas, nothing. It is new, and I have to admit that I am not sure how to feel about it. My father, mother, my little sister, and my big sister and her husband are already excited, and they are discussing form, brand, and size of the Christmas tree to buy.
My little sister is writing a wish list on her laptop as we speak.
I am an outsider. I stand at the window, looking in. Longing, not being able. Hoping to be seen while wanting to hide.
To make matters worse, my back surgery has been postponed until I am physically and mentally stronger. I don't know how to do that. I am not anorexic, but I DO have problems eating. And the constant nightmares, flashbacks and the pain make me nauseous. It's a challenge. I will have to find food I can stomach, pun intended.
And if anyone has a way to handle pain? By all means, let me know :)
See you later with part 2
Soon December will wash over us, with all its warmth and sense of belonging and community. That is a good thing.
For me it is ambiguous, ambivalent. Until I was 15, I had never had a celebration of anything. No birthdays, no Christmas, nothing. It is new, and I have to admit that I am not sure how to feel about it. My father, mother, my little sister, and my big sister and her husband are already excited, and they are discussing form, brand, and size of the Christmas tree to buy.
My little sister is writing a wish list on her laptop as we speak.
I am an outsider. I stand at the window, looking in. Longing, not being able. Hoping to be seen while wanting to hide.
To make matters worse, my back surgery has been postponed until I am physically and mentally stronger. I don't know how to do that. I am not anorexic, but I DO have problems eating. And the constant nightmares, flashbacks and the pain make me nauseous. It's a challenge. I will have to find food I can stomach, pun intended.
And if anyone has a way to handle pain? By all means, let me know :)
See you later with part 2
Darren, I apologize if I intrude into your personal life, I just have question, because I want to help if need. What kind a pain, like back pain or joint pain, I've been through the pain before and mentally distress food thing too, so if you give me so detail, I will try to help... 💟Darren💟 And I apologize again for my pry into your personal stuff. You are Perfect by all means 💗
ReplyDeleteVerusha! You're reading my blog... I had no idea people outside my friends group would do that... It's okay, I am just surprised. About my back: this explains it all:
Deletehttp://dwite1995.blogspot.nl/2016/10/spinal-cord-injury.html
About my other injuries, I cannot talk about this, but it's a physical thing, and in 2017 I will have surgery to fix it, and after that I hope my hate for food will be a little better... But I take one day at a time. Life is hard sometimes.