GRANDFATHER

GRANDFATHER

Grandfather (Poems)

How I lived with my grandfather... For a long time I saw my grandfather as family. Until some months ago, when I was talking about it with Cody, and he said me to not see the man as family anymore. Because he never saw me as his grandson, but as a commodity, something to discard.

That was an eye-opener. It worked too. It is hard enough to be trafficked ware by strangers, but to be sold by my grandfather is worse, because all I ever wanted was to be his grandson, to be loved by him. And later I wanted him to tell me how sorry he was, but he never did, and he died during the trials. 

How was my life with him? How did I end up living with him? That last part has been finally explained to me by my parents. When I was two years old, my grandfather came to live in a house nearby. He started to abuse and threaten me straight away. Powerless and afraid as I was, I couldn't say a word at home, so I became an angry child, screaming, kicking and wetting my bed again.

My grandfather suggested to my parents that I came to live with him, he would "straighten me out".... and they agreed. And that was the beginning of the misery.

Life with him was strange, a deadly combination of incredible violence, a gifted teacher (he homeschooled me for longer periods of time) and travelling all over Western Europe. I have lived in Southern France, in Norway and so on. He had such strange mood-swings. Could be loving one moment and turn violent the next. He dressed and raised me as a girl, but when I acted like a girl, I was 'punished'. 

My world was so split and torn, and the only thing I did all day, was trying to survive as best as possible.
He was well respected in the Coptic community, was a scholar. People looked up to him and sometimes remarked to me how lucky I was to have him for a grandfather. Yes, really.

He was a true pedophile. Had cameras everywhere in his house, and shared films of me online. Most have gone, but some are still out there and I can't do anything about that. Believe me, there are so many attempts to delete them but they keep surfacing. He also invited friends over to his house. Let's not go any further, I bet you can fill in the blanks.

And then, when I was about 9-10 years old, I became too old for him, and he sold me. That's another story, maybe later.

Bye bye!
D.