LIVING WITH THE 'ENEMY'.

Living with the 'enemy'.

The strange house I am living in, I am not completely used to it yet. The people surrounding me are my flesh and blood, but still they are strangers to me.

I left the house when I was about 2-3 years old, and never saw them between ages 9 and 15. I cannot see them as parents anymore. I learned I had a little sister when I was 15.....

The only person I am still strongly attached to, is my older sister. And also her husband and her two little ones. They wanted me to come and live with them, but I refused. They have a young family and both have jobs. Taking care of me would be one extra job, I cannot do that to them.

So.... after mediation by my psychiatrist, my parents have agreed to let me live with them. They want me to.  And between hospitals I did not have a real place to live, everything has been temporary. Now suddenly I have a permanent place to live. With a futuristic bed, a desk, closets.... It's strange and I am not yet used to it.

There are so many issues we have to get out of the way. They have sessions with a therapist, I have them, and sometimes we have them together. Problems we face are for instance:

• My mother goes to church every day to pray for my healing. Healing in the sense of physical and mental healing, but also..... she hopes to pray me cured of gayness, because she honestly thinks my grandfather (her father) made me gay;
• My father and my little sister are autistic. I have no problems with that, it's quite refreshing, but my intrusion in their regulated lives gives them some problems;
• My health in every way requires a lot of maintenance. A nurse comes by every day to help me take a bath and so on;
• We are still so awkward around each other. Strangers in a strange land.

Family ties. We can never choose our biological family, but sometimes, for diverse reasons, we suddenly are back to biology....
I love my chosen family. Will the day come that I love my biological family?
I certainly hope so, let the awkwardness disappear!

-Darren.